Work Outside the Home Mom (”WOHM”)

I had a little run in with my toothbrush yesterday, and I have the wounds to prove it!

The day started out fine but didn’t end up that way!  After supper I got my first bleeding nose in 20 years or so.  I noticed it after 3 or 4 drops of blood found their way to my shirt (a work shirt by the way grrr).  After that incident I was in the bathroom brushing both John and Jackson’s teeth and remembered that I needed to change the head of my toothbrush.

After all the teeth in the room were pearly white, I put John on the floor, grabbed my the offending weapon. The head replacements come with this nifty tool to make the removal easier…..Yeah right!!  At this point I attempted to remove the old brush head.

That’s where things start getting fuzzy.  I remember it being hard to remove then I remember my fingers hurting a lot, then looking down and watching the blood well up on my index finger and my pinky.  The two middle fingers were not spared the agony, they too got fairly deep scratches on them.  I am positive there was an evacuation order in my body where all blood was to find any means necessary of leaving the premise.  That is the only explaination!!!

I still can not figure out how the path of the wounds matches the possible actions.  But they do and now every time I try to use my right index finger the incident comes flooding back into my mind!!

I am sure the National Dental Association would not have 4 out of 5 dentist recommend this technique of brush head removal, because it hurts…a lot!!

Have a good day

For me today was a very hard day.  A lot of what happend mared the true meaning of the day and now I sit here at 8:30 wondering if I can have a do over.  I want to feel like this day was wonderful, not like I want to cry!

We decided to go to the McDonald’s in Wal-mart and then a little shopping.  While shopping John was being a holy terror.  I had asked him several times to sit in the cart and behave and finally I lost it and yelled.  And of course the one person there that would have an opinion about my parenting skills (a total stranger to boot) started tisking and staring.  I asked her if I could help her and she informed me that I didn’t need to yell.  We have all had this person in various forms cast their disapproving eye upon us in a mall, at a grocery store, or a myriad of other places.  These are the people who don’t witness what has gone on for the past half hour.  They are the people who think that they could do it better under even worse circumstances.  And they are the ones who think you are a bad parent for losing your cool.  The problem is as mothers we give these people the power to make us cast doubt in our own minds.  I have gone over and over the situation today and I couldn’t or wouldn’t have done anything differently.  John is a strong willed child who uses No as a challenge unless the inflection is strong and sometimes forceful.  I didn’t hit him, or shake him.  I didn’t even give him a swat on the bottom but for some reason I think I did something wrong.

I am a good mother.  I do my best and I try as hard as I can.  I love my boys with all my heart and soul and would do anything for them.  So why do I care what some stranger thinks of my in a 2 minute snapshot of my life.  She would be the same person who, if I let John get away with that stuff, would think that I couldn’t parent because I couldn’t control him and make him behave.  I couldn’t have won either way so why did I give her this power over my day.

What I should have done is think back to this morning when I received my beautiful plastercine picture inside of a CD case, or the mug that Jackson made for me with his, John’s, Tom’s and our two cats names on it, oh and the hearts, lots and lots of hearts.  Or the card that Jackson made for me during his recess because he was sick the day they made them, or the card that Tom bought me from the boys.  That’s what I should have spent my day thinking about.  I should have thought about the two boys that sat in the middle of a busy restaurant tonight and behaved like perfect gentlemen.  That’s what I should be thinking about.

So ladies.  HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY I had a great day and I hope you did too.

Jackson and I are having a bit of a battle of the wills right now and I have to confess that it is about 95% my fault.  He is going through a stage right now where back talk and attitude are reigning supreme.  I say that is my fault because we have always encouraged a bit of questioning.  I want him to be comfortable with thinking about what someone tells him to do and making sure it is something that is the right thing to do.  We also want him to think outside of the box.  I don’t want him to blindly follow what an authority figure might tell him to do.  I think that will be to his benefit in the future with peer pressure, job success and life values.  However at the moment we seem to be the authority he is questioning.  So I have to change some things.

Jackson’s big thing right now is yelling “WHAT” to me.  I informed him this morning that the next time I hear “WHAT” where it isn’t part of a sentence he will loose his DS for an extra day (we are already at Thursday with Monday being the starting point).  I know we are all going through these trials and the end result is the same, happy healthly, productive members of society…Provided they live that long ;)  Wish me luck!

Hope you have a great day

Jackson came home with homework tonight and it was quite lengthy.  Which only meant that he spent more time talking and socializing than paying attention to his work.  As we were arguing about the importance of getting your work done in class he yelled at the top of his lungs….”YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SINCE YOU DON’T EVER HAVE HOMEWORK” I know you are cringing…Every mother out there reading this blog right now knows every thought that went through my head.  You all understand my first reaction about being “unappreciated” and “disrespected”.  Then my second reaction was how will teach him that what I do is really homework all the time.  And then finally my third about why should he know that what I do is work.  He is, after all, a 6 year old boy who has way more important things going on in his head, like hockey scores, playing soccer and spending time with his brother.  I decided to just let it go.  That lesson will be kept for another time since both of our emotions were too high.  I realized that my 6 year old can only have one thing in his mind at one time and my pride wasn’t it.

So then my question to you is how would you explain to a 6 year old that what you do around the house is work.  And that the laundry, dishes, dinner etc don’t just do themselves.  Your suggestions are welcome and needed.

Have a great day!

I just finished reading a post by a well know Canadian Blogger: Million Dollar Journey.  He is a young Canadian who set a goal for himself to reach a net worth of $1 million by the time he is 35.  His latest post about net worth struck a cord with me  (Wealth Strategy: Track Your Net Worth).  Tom and I haven’t sat down and figured out our net worth in over a year, so I think we will do that this week.  It is a useful tool as every paycheque you get shows a increase in Net Worth and every penny spent shows a decrease. It is a great way to stay motivated to save and stay on track.  The last time we did this I was scared to see the out come.  I was sure it would be a negative number and prove that we were hopeless at saving and building wealth.  We were pleasently surprised.  It was a lot higher than we thought.

What is your net worth you ask?  It is your Assets - Liabilities.  That’s it.  Assets are what you could sell everything you have for and your liabilities is what you owe everyone else.  I challenge you to figure it out.  You may be pleasently surprised as we were and it might give you that extra push to keep on track.

Today is my birthday and I am spending it with my family including my Mother and Father in law. I started my 38th year looking in the mirror and seeing a vibrant woman who has two boys, a loving husband, a healthy mother and great in-laws.   I also see a positive outlook and an excitement for the future.  I see a love of all things natural and a zest for new and unexplored things.  Not bad for an old girl!! (as Tom likes to remind me as I am 6 months older than he is).  My world is full of twists and turns, ups and downs and I have learned to roll with them all.

I am in touch with friends that I have had since Kindergarten, High School and after.  I have new friends and old friends, best friends and acquaintances.  I have wonderfully healthy friends and family and some that are putting up a good fight.  I have been lucky, and I know that, I appreciate it and I don’t take it for granted.

I am looking forward to the next two thirds of my life (because I don’t think I am going anywhere soon).  I hope next year I can write the same paragraph as the previous one and include that the fighters have won.  I hope that everyone is another year older and just as healthy.  I hope that I can communicate better with John and Jackson still loves school.  I hope to tell you that Tom and I are more in love than this year and I hope to tell you that I still love life and everything in it.

Thanks for being part of this year with me.  Thanks for loyally in reading my musings and commenting on them. And if you haven’t commented yet, now is a great time to start! Raise your glass to this year and every year after!

Have as great a day as I am having.

I wrote this on the bus on Friday morning but I didn’t have a chance to post it..Hope you like it!

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I wrote yesterday about our society being faster. Now for the other side of the coin. Slowing it down.

My absence for over a week was due to the fact the I was feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. I have so much to stimulate me that I started to loose focus. Because of that I was feeling very negative and I didn’t want to share that with all of you. What changed you ask.  Returning to centering myself, returning to clearing my mind of the mental clutter and understanding that if my thoughts are messy then everything else will feel that way too.

Thanks to a dear friend who tuned me on to the library, I found a book there this weekend called “Ten Zen Seconds” by Eric Maisel (see the link in my blogroll). He talks about using incantations to calm the mind or feed it the necessary pep talk in just 10 seconds. The one I have been using for the past couple of days is “I am (in control)”    5 seconds for the inhale (I am) and 5 seconds for the exhale (in control).

I need to remember that it doesn’t take long to get centered. That all I need to do is stop for just a moment.  Like this morning. I walked out of the house to leave and stopped and listened to absolutely nothing. It was totally silent. For the first few seconds I tried to find a sound, any sound, and I couldn’t. Then for the next few seconds I just let the silence fill my mind flushing away the mess and disorganization. And without even trying I have started the day at peace.  I can now tackle anything.

Sometimes I sabatage myself by saying that meditating or stopping will only add something to my to do list and so why bother but even I can’t argue with taking ten seconds to relax.

Have a great day…

As working parents we have a hard time dividing our hours in the day between those activities that we find important. Whether it be extra curricular activities like sports or social groups, family time or over time at work. One area often gets over looked, the school.  I am a part of the parent school council and I find it hugely rewarding. I started going to the monthly meetings last year when Jackson was in Kindergarten and then was nominated as Vice Chair this year. Because of this involvement I have a direct link to the school, its administration, the teachers and the heartbeat of the education system.  And the best part is I would have this even if I just attended the meetings nothing more.

The other night I went to the joint school council meeting where all the school councils of the division get together. This included the elementary schools, middle schools and the high schools. It was wonderful to sit there and talk about common goals that we all share.

We also had the ear of the Superintendent. I learned more about our three year plan, about how they are tackling the challenges of being the fastest growing division in our province.

We also discussed the challenges that the education system has.  Children are growing up in a society where they are getting information faster than ever before, where instant means an entirely different thing than it did for us, and scariest part of all is we are teaching them for a career that doesn’t exist yet. At the end of the meeting I went up to the Superintendent and introduced myself. I told him that I will have two boys in this division for a long time and I intend to stay very involved. He welcomed me and I felt like we start a partnership.

I sound like a keener and you may think that this will pass but Education is the cornerstone of society. People have lived and died for this right and to make it better takes involvement and commitment.  If I want to be part of the solution I need to know what is going on and to do that I need to be there. Our school is lucky, parental involvement is high right now (I am told it won’t be when Jackson gets to middle school) and everyone genuinely cares about the common goal.  So if this involvement is going to pass, then now is the time to do all of the work, while we still have the keeners involved.

I urge you to get involved. At least attend some council meetings. You don’t have to commit large amounts of time and I know the councils would love to have you come. If you don’t know when they are then phone the school and they will tell you.  Be a part of the change and the solutions. As I mentioned it is hugely rewarding.

I have 16 years to be a part of this system and I don’t want to miss a second.

I am sitting here at 10:30 at night with the whole house sleeping after a pretty a rough day.  John didn’t have a nap (our own fault for taking him out during it).  For the first time in a very long time John needed to cry himself to sleep tonight, not something I am comfortable with.  Both boys have always been good at going to bed and I know how lucky I am for that.  Then Jackson felt the need to push every button he could with both Tom and I.  All I can say is:  What a day!!!

I have always wanted to be a Mom.  I have dreamt since my baby dolls were sleeping in their bed of how I would rock, cuddle and love my children.  I never thought of being a doctor, or fireman, just the one job that would bring me more pleasure that all the riches in the world.  What I didn’t dream of was the hard times where I doubt myself and wonder if I am doing it right or even okay.  I never thought of the times where I would be so busy at work, and so busy at home and so busy with the extra stuff that I do that I wouldn’t be having fun anymore.  I never thought of the times where I would want to just run away.   I spoke to my mom about it tonight and she said that I’m not crazy, that only when I didn’t care anymore was when I should start to worry, wise woman she is! But I still wonder if I have what it takes to do this job.  Little late isn’t it?

Deep down I know this is normal, deep down I know I will survive, and deep down I know that my boys will be okay, better than okay they will be great men, fathers, friends and husbands.  Just every now and then I worry if I am cut out for this career.  Then I hear from their bedroom….Mommmmmy and I realize that this is where I am suppose to be, that if I didn’t worry about all of this I wouldn’t be a good mom, that if I wasn’t stressed out I wouldn’t care, that if I didn’t care I would be crazy.  And I realize that my life is good, better than good it is great, that there are three men in this house that truly appreciate me and that I am not a superwoman, I am like the rest of you and I am making it the only way I know how.  One kiss at a time.

Thanks for listening!

Nothing is more pleasant than having a child of any age say please and thank you. Both of my boys have been using their manners since they could talk. We are completely anal about this. Thank you is one if the first words both Jackson and John learned and although Jackson sometimes needs a reminder they both use it pretty regularly. You might ask how we have gotten 2 year old John to learn this at a young age. Repetition. We have always said it to him and he now says it back. Just a word of warning though. Don’t say “you’re welcome” They think you are correcting them so they stop saying thank you all together. We did that with Jackson and had to retrain him when he was about 3.

Manners are a wonderful tool to start off on the right foot in any situation. We have been told at restaurants by the wait staff that our children are a joy to have around. And hearing thank you from a 2 year old melts the hearts of most. I have had teachers come to me and tell me that Jackson uses his manners at school almost without fail and that makes me feel so proud. Make sure you tell you older child whenever you do get positive feedback like that. I usually pick the dinner table for such an announcement. It reinforces the value of their actions.

So remember it is never too early to start teaching and modeling this behavior.

Have a great day